Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
