He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
