I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
