we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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