I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
