You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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