evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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