I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
whose ass print is on the piano?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
