I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
