I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
