I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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