We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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