We won't sleep together?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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