No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
this will be a night to untag.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
