my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
