You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
