I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
