If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
