pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
