i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
