What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
