this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
