dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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