I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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