Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
