M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
