you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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