Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
