so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
