the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
