I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
