how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
