At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
