Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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