I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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