I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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