dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
