i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
