He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
