Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
