garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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