maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
