he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
