I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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