I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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