I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
