Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
