There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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