Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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