Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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