I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
