I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
