While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
