The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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