I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
