if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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